...or should I say Americain noir
So far that has been the hardest part of my service. I feel that my skin color is a constant source of disappointment or confusion. A lot of Burkinabe think that all Americans are rich and white. When I arrived in village I think that they were expecting a white American to give their community some meaning. I say that so bitterly because I was expecting to be welcomed with open arms, because I am a foreigner, a visitor to this country. Instead when they see that I am just another black person they seem to be somewhat disappointed. It makes me feel bad..sheesh am I not good enough?
The confusion comes in when someone tries to speak to me in French or in Moore (the local lang). When I am slow to respond or do not understand, they ask “why don’t you know the language?” I tell them that I am American and English is my first language. They either look at me like I’m lying or they are totally surprised. I’m happy for the cultural exchange and to let people know that America is diverse, but I feel like it makes being alone here a lot harder. People expect me to know things that I don’t know yet. I knew this would be hard but I think that my service is going to hard in ways that I never expected.
Another thing that I found interesting is when I was talking to one of the doctors at another village; he asked me what my origin is. I asked “in the US? New Jersey.” He says “No, I mean from African, what is your ethnic group?” All I could say was I don’t know. He then thinks for a few seconds with a sad look on his face and then asks me why I don’t find out. I told him that it would be really difficult to do so and maybe not accurate. This is not the first time that I have contemplated this but it would be nice to trace my roots back to the motherland.
Most of the time people call me rasta and Americain noir. I get really offended when they call me that. “Rasta come here.” “Americain noir, how many do you want?” etc. In the US people are taught not to openly classify others by their appearance but here its completely normal. You call the taxi driver taxi man; the president of an organization, president; a white person, blanche/nassara (white), and a fat woman, fat woman. I noticed that I am really sensitive to such titles. Its weird.
What do you guys think? Do I have a right to feel a little worried about my impact on this community? Was it stupid of me to expect a grand welcome just because I am from America.
Wow...out of all the difficulties this is one I would have never expected. Just stay positive and everyone will definitely realize how grateful they are to have you at their site. You're going to teach them so much and learn so much at the same time! You're really experiencing life as a burkinian (??? i know thats wrong) and that's so commendable! Keep updating and it wont be long until you find your niche...and you'll find out how to sneak a beer here and there. lolol
ReplyDeleteThat would be tough for me to handle too... i just imagine someone saying, "hey, fat white girl! come here!" lol but i don't think that you should be worried about your impact on their community, take this as a perfect opportunity to show them who you are and teach them a thing or two. You're already learning so much from their culture! it's only fair that they learn something about you too :)
ReplyDeletehey friend,
ReplyDeletethat's very interesting. the step told me a similar story about his first flight to africa. When he arrived, the african airport workers refused to believe he was the pilot and kept addressing one of his white coworkers as the pilot. as frustrating and eye-opening as your experience may be at times, it will definitely be an opportunity for enhanced awareness and understanding. (myself included) i feel like i'm living vicariously through you right now lol. i'm sure you know that you're far from a disappointment and it's awesome that you have the potential to change lives and shatter stereotypes.